Lives of the Experiments
by IamAngel624
Summary: A series of orphan scenes pertaining to Lilo & Stitch! Chapter 8: Sparky refuses to cry.
1. Chapter 1

_Since orphan stories are pretty popular nowadays, I've decided to start my own! The first chapter is called "Do Ya See Me Now?", and it involves an attention-starved Experiment trying to gain at least SOME spotlight tine away from his "little brother", Experiment 626. And, oh yeah…I've never played the game that inspired this, and I've only heard the plot line and seen the intro movie clip, so if this story is a bit inaccurate…soka. _

_**Do Ya See Me Now?**_

Experiment 621 sat on a desk, filing his long, black claws in slow, deliberate swipes. His white mohawk waved slightly in the quiet breeze from the air conditioner, his black eyes were riveted on his claws as he sharpened them, and his brain worked furiously as he contemplated his plan one more time. The green Experiment had figured out, once and for all, how to be noticed by everybody, especially his 'father', Jumba Jookiba.

"Okey-doke," 621 sighed, "All you're going to do is go in there, mess up the place, then bask in the attention that is surely to come!"

_Will it really work? _his brain asked.

621 shrugged a shoulder. "Heck, why not?"

_I mean, are you really, really, REALLY sure it'll work?_ the little voice in his head pressed.

621 jumped to his feet, tossing his nail file to the side. "IT WILL WORK, DANG YOU! IT WILL!" he screamed in annoyance.

_Oh, okay. _The voice in his head fell silent.

621 rubbed his temples with his knuckles and sighed, "I really need to tell myself to chill out."

Two minutes later, 621 snuck into Jumba's bedroom. A crazed grin spread across 621's maw as he looked at the freshly-made bed, the mirror in the bathroom, and the paperwork that was stacked perfectly on the desk.

621 rubbed his two sets of paws together in expectation. "This is gonna be cool!" he whispered. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

621 immediately got to work. He ripped the bed sheets into a million pieces, tore the Tricathuroan wheat puffs out of the mattress, shattered the mirror, squirted two tubes of toothpaste all over the bathroom, and tossed the papers into the air and watched as they landed willy-nilly all over the bedroom floor. When 621's rampage was done, 621 examined his work. The entire room had been trashed, almost beyond repair.

"When Jumba sees this," 621 predicted, "he's going to be sooooooo mad! He'll yell and scream and tear out what's left of his hair…and he'll be so proud of me! After all, he only wants his Experiments to be at their baddest!"

621's sensitive hearing picked up the sound of distant footsteps. Jumba was coming! 621 gathered up his courage, then stood at attention, facing the door. When Jumba entered the room, his four eyes immediately noticed that his room was in ruins.

"621!" Jumba bellowed, his voice causing the entire laboratory to shake, "VHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY ROOM!"

621's maw stretched into an excited grin. _He notices! _he thought, _He notices my wonderful work! _"Well, it's really easy to explain…" he started, but Jumba interrupted.

Jumba smiled as he continued, "Vhy did you not let me see vhat destruction 626 has caused!"

621's smile fell; his heart crashed into his feet. "WHAAAAAAAAT?" he shrieked.

Jumba explained, "I saw 626 headed this vay only five minutes ago. It is amazing how quickly he destroyed my room!" Jumba wiped a tear of joy from his eye. "It is so glorious!" he sobbed, then turned and walked out of the room.

621 could feel a couple of tears in his own eyes, but they weren't tears of joy. 621 sank to his knees in shock. _I can't believe it,_ he thought, _That 626 got credit for this! My wonderful job of destruction! WHAT KIND OF CRAP IS THIS, ANYWAY!_

"Oh, 621?" came Jumba's voice from the hallway, "Vould you mind cleaning up 626's mess vhile I fetch for him reward for being so bad?"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. 621 flopped onto his face, dwelling in his thoughts that involved himself, a blowtorch, and a charred 626.

621 was having enormous difficulty with his life.

_So…how was it? Was it good? Bad? Stupid beyond belief? Please send a review and let me know!_


	2. Chapter 2

_This second chapter, called "The Circle Game", is inspired by a game that has been played by EVERYBODY at my school for about a month now…trust me, it's the most annoying thing I have ever gone through. I made up a joke about it for one of my friends (hey, Godsgal29!), and I'm turning it into a chapter for you all to enjoy. So, without further ado…_

_**The Circle Game**_

Sparky was content with life. No boats or ships had been dashed to pieces on the shores lately, because the light from his lighthouse had saved them; this was enough to make anybody happy.

As he walked down the streets of Kokoua Town, Sparky noticed a group of teenage boys making the "A-OK" sign with their hands and holding it below their waist. Whenever one of the other boys looked at the sign, the boy making the sign would punch them in the arm. Sparky watched these proceedings with great curiosity, until a black-haired boy named Kyle finally noticed him.

"Hey, little yellow doggy dude thing!" Kyle greeted, "I bet you're wondering what we're doing, hmm?"

Sparky nodded, hoping that Kyle would soon explain.

Kyle kneeled down to look Sparky in the eye. "It's called The Circle Game," he explained, "and there's two ways to play it. At Level One, you can make an "A-OK" sign below the waist, and at Level Two, you can make a mask out of two upside-down "A-OK" signs over your eyes, like this." Kyle made the "A-OK" signs as an example; they made him look like a raccoon, Sparky thought.

Kyle dropped the Level Two Circle Game sign and continued, "If someone looks at the Level One sign, they have to let you hit them in the arm, and if someone looks at you making a Level Two sign after you called their name behind their back, they have to lay flat on their back for a couple of seconds. You can, however, ward off a Level Two by making an Okay Sign on your cheek. Do you understand now?"

"_Ih!_" Sparky nodded.

"Great!" Kyle said, patting Sparky's head. He stood up…and made a Level One Circle Game sign.

Unfortunately, Sparky had to let his arm get smacked.

A while later, Sparky started getting a bit Circle Game happy. He ran all around the island, explaining the rules to his Cousins…then making them lay flat on their backs, or let them get hit in the arm. A few Experiments - - such as Kixx, Slushy, and Richter - - tried to trap Sparky in his own game, but Sparky always managed to ward off their Level Two signs and avoid their Level Ones.

Stitch had watched the entire proceedings with great interest. At first, he laughed along with everybody else when Experiments had to get hit or lay flat on their backs…but when Sparky got both Lilo _and_ Angel with a Level Two…well, let's just say that was the last straw.

Stitch decided to end this, once and for all.

"_Hey, Sparky!" _he called out in Tantalog, _"Whatcha doing?"_

Sparky smiled at him and explained, _"It's called The Circle Game. What you do is…"_

With a start, Sparky realized that the sneaky Stitch already knew exactly how to play the game.

Two seconds later, Sparky lay flat on his back, staring at the blue sky and wondering why he had thought The Circle Game was so fun.

_I've only been caught with Level Ones, please don't be worried for my safety…or possible humiliation…_

_Send in the reviews!_


	3. Chapter 3

_The writings in this chapter are dedicated to the memory of my friend's cousin, Brooke. If you haven't heard of Brooke, she was a little girl who fought leukemia for about two and a half years. She passed away on 9/29/2006 at the age of five. Brooke touched many lives, including my own. _

_In his chapter, Lilo is dying of cancer (yes; it's yet another "Lilo gets cancer" story)…and as she slowly slips away, we learn just how much she considered Stitch as…_

_**The Nicest Angel**_

I've had cancer for two and a half years now. The doctors said I should have died two days after I got sick, but I didn't. Jumba tried to help me, but he couldn't; even with all his smartness and alien technology, he could only watch helplessly as I began to wither away. As I'm lying here on this hospital bed, he's watching me: so is Pleakley and Nani and David.

My life was fun, for the most part. When my parents died in that car crash all those years ago, I thought I'd never be happy again.

But then came Stitch.

I had prayed for the nicest angel in heaven to come to me and be my friend; God answered my prayers by sending me a little, blue alien. At first, he didn't seem like a nice angel: he kept tearing things up, being mean to other people, stuff like that.

Basically, Stitch was just like me. Maybe that's why we got along so well…

Two years after that, Stitch got sick. He kept going back to being bad, but he couldn't help it. Stitch even died from his glitch…I felt so bad, since I had been so mean to him while he was dying…

And now, here I am dying, and Stitch is holding me, crying, because he knows I'm going away soon.

Don't cry, Stitch. You'll still have Jumba and Pleakley and Nani and David and all of the other Cousins…especially Angel.

I used to hate Angel, because Stitch loved her. But I learned that Stitch loved me, too: I was his older sister, his role model, his rescuer.

Angel and I became such good friends after I first got cancer. We'd play _Zombie Slayers 4_ together…I still can't believe she beat me on her first try! I wish we could play together, one more time.

Angel's here, too, crying along with Stitch as she strokes my hand. Angel's going to have Stitch's baby really soon. She told me that she wished I would be able to see it, and I told her not to worry, and that I'd be watching them from heaven.

Because I will.

A few of the other Experiments have been through to see me, but besides Stitch and Angel, Sparky has seen me the most. He was the first Experiment Stitch and I ever caught, and everybody says that he loves me; not like a sister, but like a girlfriend. I think the word he had for me is _buchibu_. He once told me that he'd like to kiss me, and I let him…I didn't think he would actually do it. That's right: I got my first-ever kiss on the lips from Sparky. He's here, too. He's holding my other hand; not patting or stroking it, just holding it.

I see someone coming into the room.

Could it be…?

Is it…?

Oh, my…!

It is…!

Mom and Dad!

But I thought you were dead.

You were, you say?

You've come to take me home to heaven?

But…can I say goodbye to Stitch first?

I can? Thank you.

Goodbye, Stitch. I'll se you later. I love you.

I'm ready to go home now.

_Review._


	4. Chapter 4

_You know how people write stories with song lyrics embedded in them? Well, this is not a song; it's a poem that was written many years ago by my youth pastor, Johnathan. I was surprised at its dark tone, yet also fascinated with it. So, the poem (which shares it's name with the title of this chapter) doesn't belong to me, it belongs to him._

_This (kinda dark) story takes place one night, during which Stitch cannot sleep. He's too busy thinking about how 627 was so much better than he was; now, Stitch has only one wish for 627, and that is…_

**_I Wish You Would Die_**

**If you died today**

**Would I cry?**

**And if I did, would it be joy or pain?**

**If you died today**

Stitch couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, he pulled the covers up around his neck, he even tried wrapping his pillow all the way around his head…but nothing worked.

He could only think of Experiment 627.

627 had been stronger, scarier, grosser, and more powerful that Stitch. 627 didn't sink in water, was better camouflaged in the underbrush, and was the only Experiment who Stitch couldn't immediately take out.

For some reason, that was the memory that irked Stitch the most.

**If you died today**

**How exactly would the world change?**

**Would all that you held or touched suffer and choke**

**Or would the memory of you be the latest and greatest joke?**

**Would the world you know cease to be**

**Or would everyone who knew you leap and skip with glee?**

**If you died today**

Stitch had come to admit it; 627 had been _better_ than him. Besides the fact that 627 had a weakness in laughing, 627 was better than Stitch in battle, in ferocity, and -- as it was rumored by several giggly female Experiments, who had found a picture of 627 on Jumba's laptop – in sex appeal. Even Jumba had been slightly more impressed with 627's success than Stitch's.

Okay, Stitch had to admit that 627 had taught him a valuable lesson in dealing with pride (basically, avoid getting your head so big that it makes a good target for someone to burst your bubble), and Stitch could thank him for that.

Nevertheless…Stitch knew that, while 627 existed, he could very well be forgotten.

**If you died today**

**Would you promise to leave me alone**

**Or would you still wear out your welcome long after you're dead and gone.**

Being careful not to awaken Lilo as she peacefully slept beside him, Stitch crept downstairs for a quick plate of Oreos and a glass of milk. As he sat at the table eating his midnight snack, Stitch's mind still wandered.

Was it selfishness to worry about being forgotten because somebody was better than you were? Stitch dunked an Oreo into the milk; for a split second, he imagined it was 627, drowning in a river. With a gleeful grin, Stitch pulled 627 (the Oreo) out of the river (the glass of milk) and slowly bit into it. His powerful jaws ripped 627's head right off of his shoulders; with a powerful flip of his neck muscles, 627's head slipped down Stitch's gullet into his stomach, where his super-powered stomach acid began to disintegrate 627…erm…the Oreo.

**If you died today**

**I could start to live**

**No longer would I have to survive off of what you choose to give.**

Okay, that was just plain scary. Stitch knew better than to think things like that; those types of thoughts were just plain evil, and Stitch was no longer was evil.

But 627 still was. That thought struck Stitch's mind like an arrow in a bull's-eye. 627, in all of his power, was pure evil – Jumba had said so.

That was what separated Stitch from 627, and lowered the awe others held for 627.

And this was the reason that a sudden fear for Stitch's family entered his heart; if 627 were reactivated, he wouldn't hesitate to hurt – or kill – any of Stitch's family members.

**If you died today**

**I really would not be sad at all**

**I have been waiting for the day**

**When you no longer lived in my home.**

Another thought crept into Stitch's mind. Lilo had given 627's pod to Jumba for safekeeping; after which, Jumba had put it in the drawer with a few other super-dangerous Experiment pods.

Slowly, Stitch gazed towards the hallway that contained the staircase.

**If you died today**

**Then I could see**

**Because the shadow you cast while living,**

**Did nothing but blind me.**

After finishing the rest of his midnight snack, Stitch stood and slowly walked upstairs towards Jumba and Pleakley's room.

_Don't do this, Stitch!_ a part of his mind argued. _You shouldn't do this!_

_But I have to,_ reasoned the other part, _for the safety of my family._

_The safety of your family? _retorted the first part, _Or your social status?_

Stitch thought about this for a second or two. _At first_, he finally decided, _for my social status. But I don't care about that anymore. 627 is a danger to everyone on this island, and he needs to be destroyed._

**If you died today**

**And Oh! How I wish that you would**

**Then I could start to live**

**Like God always told me I could.**

The door to Jumba and Pleakley's room opened silently as Stitch padded in. His eyes, glowing bright green in the dark of the room, scanned the drawers for 627's pod. Upon finding it, Stitch picked the lock with one of his long claws.

**So, if you died today**

**Yes I would cry.**

**Joy or pain, you ask?**

**You don't really want to know**

**So on the answer to that I will just pass.**

The drawer opened. Feeling around inside it with one of his paws, Stitch pulled out a round blue marble with three numbers imprinted in black letters along one side: "627"

Yes…this was what Stitch had been searching for.

**If you died today**

**Things would not suffer or choke**

**As a matter of fact I could start to get fixed all that you broke.**

Clutching the Experiment pod tightly between his paws, Stitch glanced around the room. Jumba and Pleakley were still asleep, and there were no other signs of life. Good; this meant that Stitch could make an escape without being seen.

Silently, Stitch slipped downstairs, through the house, and out the doggy door. Then, running as fast as he could, Stitch bolted into the forest, far away from any spying eyes.

**If you died today**

**Stop talking about it and just leave.**

**Don't let me hold you up, cause I got places to be.**

Stitch finally came to rest in a clearing; for a split second, Stitch realized it was the same clearing where he had said his second and third English words: "I'm lost."

How ironic, he mused, that this – the place where he first turned good for real – would be the place where he was going to get rid of the threat of 627.

Stitch picked up a nearby rock that was the size of his fist.

**If you died today**

**Oh how happy I would be**

**I have been blind for far too long**

**And I got too many things to see.**

Stitch placed 627's pod on the rock where he had laid his book years ago; then he held the rock above his head. For some reason, Stitch remembered that Lilo had told him that everybody should say something nice at somebody's funeral, whether that person was good or bad to them.

"_627," _Stitch spat in Tantalog, _"I have only one good thing to say to you: thanks for teach me the dangers of pride. However, if you're expecting any praise for your actions or any other good words, think again. You were pure evil, a sadistic monster…"_

Stitch's face twisted into a snarl. _"…and I wish you would die!" _

**I need you to die today**

**There is just to much weight on me**

**This can't be healthy if I am going to grow and succeed.**

Stitch brought the rock down on 627's dehydrated form.

**I'm glad you died today**

**There is just too much weight on me**

**This can't be healthy if I am going to grow and succeed.**

Stitch let his breath out in one big gasp; he didn't realize he had been holding his breath. He double-checked the rock where he had set the pod; 627's pod had been smashed into a million pieces. As a failsafe, whenever an Experiment pod is smashed, it will disintegrate until there is nothing left; this is what once had been 627's pod was now doing.

_It's over_, Stitch thought, _627 is destroyed._

Stitch tossed the smaller rock aside.

**I'm glad you died today**

**Now I can breathe**

**It was hard to run with you siphoning the air meant for me.**

An eerie grin spreading across his face, Stitch walked back towards the house. He no longer had to worry about his family getting killed in their sleep, nor about being forgotten by his _'Ohana_, nor even a leak in the roof accidentally reactivating 627.

No one would ever have to worry about 627 again.

**I'm glad you died today**

**Besides for you there is no need**

**When the Master sought to form me**

**Room for you He did not leave.**

Stitch crawled back towards his bed. As he did so, he stole a glance towards Lilo. She was asleep; she had slept through the entire incident. Tomorrow, Stitch decided, he'd announce to the entire family that 627 was dead. Of course, they wouldn't understand; in fact, they'd probably punish him for doing what he had done.

Whatever they did to him, though…Stitch wouldn't care. 627 was gone, and he was glad.

Slipping back under the covers, Stitch feel into a sweet and dreamless sleep.

**I'm glad you died today**

**I don't miss you now that you are gone**

**And if you ever think of coming back**

**Don't bother calling me,**

**Cause I ain't home.**

_Yeah…I don't really care for 627 all that much. I don't know why, I just don't. The only good thing he's got going for him is his voice, which is pretty cool._

_But, enough rambling: review!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Another dramatic short story, you say? What's up with all of this drama all of the sudden, you ask?_

_I dunno._

_Anyways, this chapter is told from Bonnie's point of view, and it shows just how much somebody who seems to have it all together on the outside can really be…_

_**Broken Inside**_

The funny thing about secrets is when it causes you to get all depressed and stuff, but nobody knows how to comfort you because of the fact that they don't know your secrets.

Of course, I'm not about to tell anybody my secret. If anybody knew what happened to me all those years ago…well, let's just say I'm afraid nobody would understand, and they'd just shun me and hate me and treat me worse than I treat myself.

Afraid? Bonnie, the theft-and-evasion chick? Afraid?

Yeah, I'm afraid. Afraid of thoughts I can't read, the thoughts of others.

Oh, I cover it up all right. Not even Clyde, my closest buddy and partner in crime, knows that I'm scared of the things that hide in the shadows, longing for me.

Not longing for my death; longing for _me_.

Nobody knows about my secret…well, nobody except for the kid, that is.

The kid.

The kid knows, because she went through the same thing.

I still remember it all…

_Lilo and myself were talking with a couple of the others about love and future families and all that junk. Don't ask me how I got involved in that conversation, I just did._

_Then Lilo asked if she could talk to me in private. How could I refuse her? She's like a sister or a daughter to me._

_We went into the girl's restroom (the number-one place for girl talk, or so I hear)…and she started crying._

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I said, holding her hand in my paw, "Kid, what's wrong?"_

_Lilo sniffled a little bit; it broke my heart to see her so sad. "Bonnie…" she whispered, "…I don't think I'll ever be a mom."_

_I frowned. "Now, what in the world would make you think that?"_

_Lilo's big, brown eyes stared into my black ones. "Not very many people know what I'm about to tell you," she said, "Only Nani knows; I've never even told Stitch." Lilo took a deep breath, then let it all out in a sigh: "I was abused."_

_This came to me like a slap across the face. "Wha…what do you mean?" I gasped._

_Lilo started talking, in a way that made it seem as though it was taking her a lot of spirit and strength to say what she had to say. "It was two days after Mom and Dad died when I was kidnapped by a woman; I don't know who she was, but I'd be able recognize her face anywhere. She had Nani pay a ransom to get me back; Nani paid the ransom, but it was too late. The woman hit me, kicked me…and then, she made me take a shower…she came in and…touched me where…in spots nobody should touch me…"_

_Lilo broke off, crying again. At first, I couldn't say anything; I just held the kid close and let her cry into my shoulder. I guess I must have started crying, too; Lilo asked me what was wrong._

"_Oh, Lilo…" I sighed; she knew I was serious whenever I used her actual name, "…I know what you're going through. The exact same thing happened to me."_

_Lilo pulled away from me. "It…it did?" she sniffled._

_I nodded; it was the truth...but I don't like talking about it. "But, Lilo, it wasn't your fault! There's nothing wrong with you; it was that chick who's messed up in the head."_

_Lilo sighed. "But what about the others? What if…they don't understand?"_

_I shrugged. "If you're scared about that, then don't tell them. I know Blue would understand; so would his girlfriend."_

_Lilo gulped, fear shining from her eyes… then she whispered, "I don't think I'm ready to tell anybody else yet."_

_I hugged her again, placing my head next to hers. "I'm not ready, either."_

So, yeah. Basically I'm afraid that others will think I'm a lesbian because of what happened to me. I know that when Lilo's older and understanding what happened to her better, she'll probably start thinking the exact same thing.

But she's different. She knows that she can talk to me about it, anytime and anywhere. I know, I know, I'm not exactly a chatty chick…but I'll make an exception for the kid.

I'll never _really_ forget what happened to me, all that hitting and touching and stuff…yeah, it broke me inside. So what?

While I'm helping Lilo heal, she'll be helping me.

_At first, it was going to be Angel telling the story, but then I thought that Bonnie could do better…plus, everybody has the bad stuff happen to her already._

_For personal reasons, I can't say where the inspiration for this story came from…let's just say it's based on something very, you know, personal._

_Review._


	6. Chapter 6

_Finally, no depressing stuff! YAYSIRS!!!_

_This is basically a sketch from a Marx Brothers movie called Horsefeathers. I thought it would be interesting if it was rewritten and starred Reuben, Carmen, and Stitch as Groucho, Chico, and Harpo (respectively). In this version, Jumba is trying to teach anatomy to some of his Experiments, but guess who butts in?_

_So, here we go with…!_

_**Classroom Comedy**_

Jumba's four eyes gazed approvingly at his Experiments. This was the first day of their class on anatomy, and he was determined to teach them well. With a clearing of his throat (_Harrrupmh, hack!_) and a straightening of his collar, Jumba continued his lecture.

"And thus," he said, speaking as slowly and boringly as possible (or so it seemed to his students), "we see that the function of the respiratory system is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream. This process – which is called 'osmosis' – "

"Have they started sewing a woman's hairnet in here yet?" interrupted a familiar voice. It was a sarcastic voice, tinged with a Brooklyn accent, yet with the familiar (but unheard, unless you had grown up with them, like Jumba had) twang of an Experiment's voice. And there was only one Experiment who sounded like he had just come out of Brooklyn.

Jumba smiled at the tan and tubby Experiment. "625!" he greeted, "I was not expecting you! What brings you here?"

Reuben entered the classroom, wearing the familiar maroon uniform of a galley cook on a Federation battleship. And, several Experiments had to admit, maroon was Reuben's color. With a satisfied smirk (though it was impossible to see what he was satisfied about), Reuben replied, "A bicycle, but I left it out in the hall." Then, changing the subject, he added, "Hey, do you have two empty chairs? Because I have two empty dunces." With that, he beckoned in the doorway to two unseen Experiments. "Come on in, Dunces!"

"Hey!" came another familiar voice; a female with a Latino accent, "I'm no dunce! I'm a woman!"

With that, the owner of the voice – Experiment 123 aka Carmen – entered the room, a smile on her face, four clean paws on her arms, a brightly shining pink coat, gorgeous blue eyes, a stack of faux fruits on her head, and a real apple in a paw. With an expert toss, she gave Jumba the apple just as the second Experiment – Experiment 626 aka Stitch – entered behind her, carrying a watermelon. With an expert toss, the blue Experiment handed Jumba the watermelon; with pure luck, Jumba managed to not only catch it, but stay on his feet whilst doing so.

Reuben noticed Jumba's newly acquired fruits and remarked, "Well, now all you need is a bowl of cherries."

Carmen smiled in agreement. "_Si. Las cerezas._"

Jumba quickly cleared his throat and placed the apple and the watermelon on his desk. "123, 625, and 626. Please find yourselves a seat."

With smiles as wide as the Grand Canyon, Carmen and Stitch scrambled for two chairs in the front row. One just so happened to be next to Angel; Stitch snatched that one pretty quickly. The other one happened to be next to Carmen's latest in a long line of crushes, who was Slushy; she quickly sat down next to him, too.

Once the two were seated, they whirled around and gave their darlings (ie, Stitch gave Angel whilst Carmen gave Slushy) a kiss on the lips. Of course, in their excitement, they accidentally whirled around and gave each other a kiss on the lips, too. They probably would have had a brawl on their hands if Jumba hadn't started speaking again.

"NOW!" Jumba barked, causing any distractions to end instantaneously, "let us go on with our lecture."

"No, let us go on _without_ your lecture," snapped Reuben, who was now sitting on Jumba's desk, gazing at a glass slide that was under a microscope.

Reuben's statement elicited several cheers, but they were quickly silenced with a single glare from Jumba.

Jumba nodded at the microscope. "What are you thinking about that slide, 625?"

In all truthfulness, Reuben answered, "Well, I think he was safe at second, but it was pretty close."

"Let us examine the circulatory system," Jumba continued, as though there had never been an interruption in his lecture at all. With a piece of chalk, he sketched out what appeared to be a liver on the chalkboard behind him.

"This is the liver," Jumba explained.

Reuben squinted at the drawing. "What, no bacon?" he gasped, "I'd send that back if I were you!"

"Moving on!" Jumba snapped, his patience already beginning to thin. With that, he held his teacher's manual open with one giant hand, reading aloud the information he wished to convey to his students. When he got to a part about 'cirrhosis', he turned to the classroom and asked if anyone knew what 'cirrhosis' was. Surprisingly, Carmen raised a paw.

"Sure!" she cheerfully replied, "Cirrhosis are red, cirrviolets are blue, cirrsugar is sweet, cirrso are you."

Reuben rolled his eyes and sighed, "I didn't even see who that was, but I can take a guess that it plays maracas for a living."

Jumba continued his lecture, pausing only one to see if there were questions (there was: Stitch asked when Jumba was going to cut the watermelon open). As he spoke, he paced back and forth across the room, caught up in his own teachings. Unbeknownst to him, Reuben kept pace with him all the way.

Finally, after quite some time of Jumba's ramblings, Reuben finally asked, "Is this stuff on the level, or are you making it up as you go along? Because I'm getting a better workout up here than I've ever had in my entire short life!"

"Why," Jumba chuckled, "everything I have told you can be found in simplest Earth textbook! Surely my students will, as they say, 'bear me out'!"

Immediately, Carmen and Stitch were on their feet. "We bear you out!" Carmen announced, to which Stitch surged forward, lifted Jumba off his feet, and tossed him (gently!) out of his own classroom.

Stitch sighed and observed, _"Jumba is very long-winded."_

Carmen rolled her eyes. "You're telling me? I've had to put up with for _mucho _years than you!"

On that note, Reuben pointed at his fellow Experiments and announced, "And remember, that goes for you too! This classroom was here before you came, and it'll be here before you go!" He narrowed his eyes at a suspicious-looking character that sat upon Jumba's desk. "And that goes for you, too, ya numbskull!"

He knocked the skull off of Jumba's desk.

_Meh…I guess it's okay…_

_Review._


	7. Chapter 7

_Guess who's back! That's right; it's ME!_

_This chapter is based on a skit from Mystery Science theater 300 (in the episode, __**Attack of the the Eye Creatures**__). In it, Stitch has some questions that need answering. What are these questions about? Well, they're all about…_

_**The Relevance of Making Out**_

Stitch sat behind the wheel of a red convertible, pretending that he was a racecar driver. "VRRRRROOOOOOOOOM!!! VRRRRROOOOOOOOMM!!!" he yelled as the twisted the wheel this way and that. Of course, since the owner of the car had taken the keys with him, the car wasn't going anywhere, but Stitch was still having fun using his imagination.

Just then, Sparky flew by. He had been going out to buy some double-A batteries for lunch when he had seen Stitch in the red convertible. The curiosity that Jumba had cursed him with had forced him to swoop down and investigate it.

"_Hey, Cousin!" _Sparky greeted, floating by the driver's side, _"Hey, sweet wheels!"_

"_Why, thank you," _Stitch said, then a random thought hit his mind. Because of the way his mind had been designed, this often happened, and he usually ignored them. This time, however, something prodded him to keep on wondering.

"_Wanna hop in?" _he asked; this was important to figure out what he needed to know.

Sparky shuddered visibly. _"Heck, no! Your driving frightens me."_

Stitch pshawed him. _"I don't mean to drive around! I don't even have the keys. I meant to make out!"_

"_Ah, I see…"_ Sparky nodded…then suddenly realized just what Stitch had just said. _"…WHAAAAAAT?!"_

"_Well…" _Stitch stammered; how could he explain this? _"…I was watching a movie with Lilo the other night, and they kept doing something called 'making out'. It seemed enjoyable, but I wanna know exactly what it feels like."_

"_Uh…"_ Sparky stammered, glancing about nervously, looking for an escape route, _"…I'm not sure…"_

"_Oh, come on!"_ Stitch argued, _"It's easy, or at least it looked like it in the movie. All you do is skooch up next to me, then you just kinda tilt your head back, and you…moan. Like this."_

Stitch began to pretend to make out with himself, to which Sparky began to spazz out and scream _"OHMIGOSH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" _before flying away to safety.

Stitch watched the yellow Experiment fly away, then shook his head and clicked his tongue in disgust. _"I wonder what his problem was…"_ he remarked to nobody in particular.

Just then, Reuben walked by, wearing a the maroon uniform of a galley cook for the Galactic Alliance Military Force. He held a sandwich in one hand, a coke bottle in the other, and wore a smug smile on his face.

Reuben spied Stitch in the car and waddled on over. "Hey, Cuz!"

Stitch's eyes widened in surprise when he saw the tan Experiment. _"Reuben!" _he exclaimed, _"What are you doing here?"_

"Gantu stopped by to visit Lilo," Reuben explained, "So I took the opportunity to say 'Hi' to my Cousins, and to get a good old-fashioned Earth-style BLT." Just then, the beauty of the convertible revealed itself to him. "Heeeeey! Sweet wheels, Stitch!"

"_Why, thank you!"_ Stitch said, _"Wanna make out?"_

This random question startled Reuben so much that he dropped his BLT and spilled his coke all over his uniform. "Uh…" he said. "I…" he explained. "Er…" he stammered.

Then he ran off, bumping into Belle and Angel as they were headed for Angel's car after a long morning of shopping. They saw Stitch, his saddened expression, and his sweet wheels; and they hurried over to get a better look at the car and find out why he looked so blue, if you pardoned the pun.

Belle got to the car first. _"Stitch?" _she asked, _"What's up? Why was Reuben actually running for once?"_

Stitch sighed, his forehead on the top of the steering wheel. _"That's the second time I haven't been able to get someone to make out with me." _Suddenly, his head popped up. _"Oh, Be-elle…"_ he sing-songed, but Belle gave a disgusted sniff.

"_Forget about it," _Belle snapped, _"No matter what some of our fans may think, I do NOT want to make out with you."_

"_Buh-buh-but…"_ Stitch stammered as Angel joined Belle, _"I just…I want to know the relevance of it! Why do humans like it so much? CAN Experiments make out, or even kiss, for that matter? Who initiates the making out; the boy or the girl? And where the heck do you put your tongue?"_

Belle turned to Angel as Stitch's questions began to ramble on. Angel's eyes darted about uneasily under her friend's glare. _"…what?" _she asked.

Belle arched an eyebrow. _"He's your boyfriend," _she pointed out, _"You're the one out of all of us who could best SHOW Stitch what making out's all about."_

Angel understood Belle's implications, and decided that now was, indeed, the time to answer some of Stitch's questions. She hopped onto the side of the car, crossing her arms on the window and putting her head on them, looking at Stitch with a bemused expression.

"_And does making out have ANYTHING to do with the birds and the bees?"_ Stitch wondered, and was probably going to ask a few more questions before Angel stopped him.

"_Stitch," _she sighed, _"you ask too many questions."_ With a mighty heave, she leapt into the car, right into Stitch's lap…

…and for exactly sixteen-point-five seconds, all of Stitch's questions about making out were answered.

When it was all over, Belle just _had_ to take a picture of Stitch's bewildered and confused expression…and send it via her cellphone to Carmen…and Bonnie…and Nosy…and Shush…and…

_Well…I guess I coulda done better…I dunno…_

_Review!_


	8. Chapter 8

_This is going to be one of the most spontaneous stories I've ever written. Seriously._

_You may or may not know that my dad has had lymphoma since April. Today, the stress of the year, the emptiness of the house when it is just me and my pets, and the panic of getting homework done…it all got to me. I've cried three times this morning, and I've been praying and praying. I had to leave school because I was so stressed out!_

_So this story is going to help me blow off steam. It's told from Sparky's POV. Why? I have no idea. I just thought, "I'm going to blow off steam with a story told from Sparky's POV," This story is just coming to me as I type, so we'll see how it works._

_Anyways, for some reason, Jumba is sick, has been sick for awhile, and Sparky feels…_

_**Burnt Out**_

Everybody sees me and wants to know how I got to be so care-free. They see me flying through the air, cheering and laughing at the top of my voice, and they want to be like me: worry-free and always happy.

Cha. Right.

It's all a ruse, a cover-up. Seriously. Deep down, I'm freaking out. Every time I see Jumba on that hospital bed, hooked up to all those machines…I want to bury my face in my paws and cry.

But I've already painted a picture of perfection for myself, so I can't go there.

I'm not going to cry. That's weak; I'm going to be strong!

I go through town, and I see all the other Experiments so sad. Angel's always bawling on Stitch's shoulder, and he's always telling her, "It's okay. It'll all be okay." Yin's always quiet about it; just a few streaks of tears running down her face…but Yang's the one who scares me. He doesn't get sad: he gets mad. He burned up half the town because he was so ticked off! Nosy and Shush try to continue about their snooping ways, but they always hear a rumor that Jumba will never get better, and they'll start crying. The other Experiments mourn in their special ways…

…but not me!

Jumba's sick, for sure. He's been sick for a good seven months now. But I know he'll get better! I know he will! Jumba doesn't want me to be miserable…but Lilo says there's a difference in being miserable and being sad.

But I'm not going to be sad! I'm not! I'm going to be happy, very happy! Everyone will see me, and they'll say, "Wow! How can Sparky be so happy? He's such a strong-willed Experiment!"

I won't cry!

I won't cry!

I…WON'T…

---

"Sparky?" came Lilo's voice, echoing through the lighthouse, "Are you here?"

The only reply to her voice were quiet sobs of anguish and despair.

She climbed the stairs, and found Sparky next to the beacon, his head in his paws, crying. Lilo, feeling compassion for the living lightning bolt, took him into her arms and let him cry on her shoulder.

"It's okay," she whispered, "It'll all be okay."

_Okay, I'm better now. Review._


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